I have been pondering the idea of home for almost a month now, and a couple of weeks a friend asked me where home is for me.
There are a lot of ideas about home: home is where the heart is... home is wherever I'm with you... home is where you grew up... home is where your parents live... home is where you spend the most time... home is where you sleep at night... home is where you pay your bills. All are certainly legitimate answers, and all are certainly true at some point or another. But I'm finding now that defining home is difficult these days.
For the past four-and-a-half years, home has had a duel-definition of my parents home, where I grew up, and APU, where I have lived for the majority of the last four-ish years. For a short time, home was in Germany. Now, I'm moving into a new season of my life, a transition period. In two days I start my final semester of college. After that, it's into the "real world" for me, whatever that means. Where is home?
For now, APU is still home, but it's starting to feel less and less like home. It's not the people, it's not the school, and it's not the community. I still love APU, and I'm going to miss it immensely when I graduate. But it's the season I'm in. I am already in process of transitioning away. I didn't realize this until my friend asked me that question a couple of weeks ago, and I thought about where home is. I thought about school, my parent's house, even Heidelberg, and right now none of them really feel like where I belong. I have shallow roots in so many places, and I feel ready now for a steady routine and a place where I can really put down deep roots that will be in place for a while.
So I suppose, in a sense, I am homeless. My heart is in many places. I have friends and people that I love in many different places. My parents live where I grew up, but I pay bills where I sleep and spend most of my time. I don't have one home, and I feel like a nomad, wandering from home to home with no deep roots or intention to stay for an extended time at any of them.
They say your 20s are the hardest time of your life: the world says you should know what you want to do now that you have a college degree, but you don't really even know, even though you thought you did a few years ago. So I suppose this feeling comes with the age. It's just a season. But it sure is a weird feeling.
Grace and Peace,
Suz
