Tonight as I was washing my face, my mind wandered to the movie Bruce Almighty. Bruce Almighty is about a guy (Bruce) who challenges God, claiming that he can do God's job better than God can. God accepts his challenge, and gives his power to Bruce. It's meant to be a comedy... of course a man can't do God's job. And it certainly does have it's funny moments. But the part I was thinking about was Bruce's inability to deal with all of the prayers that he gets as God. God tells him he only gave Bruce a small amount of people who pray to him, but the amount of prayers he gets is overwhelming, and surprising at first because he hears them all in his head. He tries to solve his problem with Post-Its, and then file cabinets, and then finally settles on a prayer-email method. He sits down with his cup of coffee and starts to answer prayers, thinking he is making a dent, but the prayers pile up much faster than he can answer them. So, rather than slaving away and trying to give a just answer to every single prayer, he chooses an easy way out: "Yes to all." Obviously that's not how God answers prayers, and that's another topic completely concerning God's discernment in matters that we just cannot understand sometimes. I was pondering more Bruce's inability to keep up with the prayers, thanking God himself that he is not at all like that. The Bible declares (well, David to be specific) that God is quite the opposite: "How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand." (Psalm 139:17-18, NIV). First of all, God thinks of us, ALL the time. And not just me. You too. At the same time he is thinking about me and all the other seven billion people on this planet. But he can do that, because he's God and that's not too much for him. In fact, I think he delights in it. It's not just something he does because, well, here I am, and if he takes his mind off me who knows what I will get myself into. No, it's more like, "Wow I love her so much that I can't help but think about her constantly." That's amazing. And it's much more than any human (even Bruce) could do.
Second, the verse above talks about God's thoughts about us outnumbering the grains of sand. I live in a desert, so I know a thing or two about sand. It's not big. Grains of sand are tiny, and they get everywhere. A desert is sand. I couldn't even begin to imagine how much sand is in just the valley that I live in. And there are other deserts in the world. The Mojave Desert is certainly not the only desert. And there are beaches. And mountains. Sand is everywhere on the planet, even on the bottom of the ocean. David isn't very specific when he talks about sand in this verse, but even if he only meant the sand in the Mojave Desert, that's still way too much for me to fathom. Imagine, a God whose every thought (about you) outnumbers all of the sand on the PLANET. That's a lot of love right there. But you know what? He's God. He's omnipotent. He can do it. And he does. So be blessed tonight, knowing that God's loving thoughts towards you number far and above anything you can imagine. :)
Grace and Peace!
Suzannah
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Home Again, Home Again
I have been home one day more than a week. After the semester ended, I had 10 days more in Europe with my parents, and then two flights to get back to California. In my last post I may have alluded to the fact that I was anticipating a rather difficult return home. I definitely fell in love with Heidelberg and Germany, as I expected I would, which didn't make leaving easy. I thought that still being in Europe for a while with my parents would help me ease my way back into American culture, but I found that wasn't the case. The fact that I was in Europe, but away from Heidelberg and away from the dear people I developed friendships with over the past three and a half months made it so much harder. My parents and I went to Salzburg the second half of our time together, and that was so weird, because I had been there a month or so earlier with Tim and all of the other students. My last night in Germany I was alone in my hotel room (my parents had flown home that day), and it felt wrong to me to leave and explore by myself, so I didn't.
The flights home were good, but not nearly uneventful. At the airport I was unable to check in to my flight using the kiosks available, so I had to check in when I checked my bag. I saw that my bag was overweight when I put it up on the scale, something that I had been worried about since I left Heidelberg, but I think the lady noticed I was a bit flustered from being unable to check in, so she was gracious and didn't charge me a fee. I requested to have aisle seats on both of my flights, which I did get, and after that I went through security quite easily and gathered myself in the time I had before boarding. It was 55ยบ and raining in Frankfurt that morning. Boarding started at 7:55, and by that time I had already been awake for three hours. I had an hour-ish flight to London, and then an eleven hour flight direct to LAX. My layover in London was about an hour and a half, provided we land on time, and I had been warned by Chris (who had the same exact flight 10 days earlier), that I had to be time-efficient if I was to get through security and to my gate on time. I was a bit anxious about that, especially when we took off about 20 minutes late. I became more anxious when I looked at my watch when we were nearing London, and my watch said that the time was nearly 11AM. My flight was supposed to leave from London at 10:30 (or something like that)!! I was probably pretty close to a panic-attack when I remembered that London's time is an hour behind Germany's time. Whew!! It still left me very little time to catch my connection, but I hadn't yet missed it completely, thank God.
As we were flying into London, I could see the Tower Bridge through the window. I sighed. I had planned on spending my final weekend in London, but things didn't work out and I wasn't able to. The Tower Bridge was one of the many things I wanted to see. At least I did get to see it from the plane though.
So, I landed in London, late. Then I had to get through security. Again. I wasn't too thrilled about that. I was less thrilled by the pace at which the line was moving. When I got through security (thankfully I didn't have to take off my shoes) I grabbed my backpack, computer, and coat, and then ran through the airport like a crazy person to catch my flight. I saw on a digital board on my way three flights listed: one had departed, one was boarding, and one was waiting to board. Mine was boarding. So I kept running. My gate ended up being the one farthest from the security checkpoint in that terminal. Of course. Why would it be closer!? By the time I got there, pretty much everyone else had boarded, save the one person ahead of me and the family behind me that was dragging their two-year old son behind them. I had to get a new boarding pass, but I did make it on my plane, hot, thirsty, and out of breath. I didn't have any water or time to fill my water bottle, because I had to drink the whole thing while I was standing in line for the security checkpoint. That's ok. I made it. I slept some on my flight, but not much. I ate every time food was offered to me. I watched Get Smart and series one of Sherlock, and I read several chapters of The Return of the King. When I flew to Germany, I fasted for something like 18 hours, and didn't eat on the plane, in order to avoid jetlag. It worked. I had learned that was for going forward in time, but I hadn't heard that for going back. Plus, I honestly didn't care if I was jetlagged coming home. I didn't yet have any responsibilities, so I could take all the time I needed to readjust.
My friend Krystal picked me up from the airport, and that night I stayed up until 9PM, to try to force my body to readjust to California time faster. It seemed to work. By the time I went to bed that night, I had been awake for 25 hours. No wonder it worked. I had no problem sleeping through the night. I was tired during the day most of last week, but I think that's pretty normal with travel like that. Now I'm readjusting, and dealing as best I can with the reverse culture shock that I have encountered so far.
To be honest, it's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I don't think. I could be wrong, because I don't know what all of the signs are. I'm trying not to be too angry about American culture. I definitely see things in German culture that I prefer over American. One of the hardest parts about that is keeping it to myself. I definitely don't want to complain to everyone around me about something that isn't really changeable. Last night I went to dinner and the the movies (to see the new Star Trek movie!!!) with some friends, and after dinner I couldn't remember how tip in America. My total was $7.52, and all I could think was, "Ok, $7.52, so I pay $8." I had to check myself and I remembered that, no, tipping isn't already included in the bill in America, so I need to do the math and actually figure it out. It was a frustrating realization. Another thing that is hard is that I'm not completely sure how to relate to people. I could go all day and all night talking about the semester to the right person. But I can't do that. I can tell little stories here and there, but I have to be present here and now, with the friends I have here and now. I have to keep inside jokes to myself, because no one here will get them. There are lots of things that remind me of some funny joke that we had, but I've gotta keep it to myself. I am still figuring out how to relate to people my experience. I don't know where to start or what to tell people. The hardest part about that is with some people, I don't know how much they care to know, or if they are just asking me, "How was it?" out of social obligation to ask, not because they are genuinely interested. It was recommended by APU's Study Abroad office to have a 30 second response to that question, but I don't even know where to start with that.
The most common comment I got when I told people (before I left) that I was going to be studying abroad was, "Wow! You're gonna learn so much about yourself!" Now that I'm back, I'm still trying to reconcile with my experience and figure out what I have learned and how I have changed. That's hard. I think only one person has asked me what I learned about myself, but I still feel overwhelming pressure to quickly figure it out, not from any specific person, but I think from myself. It's like I know that I should have learned so much, so because of that I am getting frustrated that I still don't know what I learned. I discovered today that it could take a year or more to fully understand what happened to me in Germany, and I was realizing for myself (at the time of my discovery) that it may take me at least more than the summer to figure it out.
Perhaps I will share that process, perhaps I won't. Time will tell.
Grace and Peace,
Suzannah
The flights home were good, but not nearly uneventful. At the airport I was unable to check in to my flight using the kiosks available, so I had to check in when I checked my bag. I saw that my bag was overweight when I put it up on the scale, something that I had been worried about since I left Heidelberg, but I think the lady noticed I was a bit flustered from being unable to check in, so she was gracious and didn't charge me a fee. I requested to have aisle seats on both of my flights, which I did get, and after that I went through security quite easily and gathered myself in the time I had before boarding. It was 55ยบ and raining in Frankfurt that morning. Boarding started at 7:55, and by that time I had already been awake for three hours. I had an hour-ish flight to London, and then an eleven hour flight direct to LAX. My layover in London was about an hour and a half, provided we land on time, and I had been warned by Chris (who had the same exact flight 10 days earlier), that I had to be time-efficient if I was to get through security and to my gate on time. I was a bit anxious about that, especially when we took off about 20 minutes late. I became more anxious when I looked at my watch when we were nearing London, and my watch said that the time was nearly 11AM. My flight was supposed to leave from London at 10:30 (or something like that)!! I was probably pretty close to a panic-attack when I remembered that London's time is an hour behind Germany's time. Whew!! It still left me very little time to catch my connection, but I hadn't yet missed it completely, thank God.
As we were flying into London, I could see the Tower Bridge through the window. I sighed. I had planned on spending my final weekend in London, but things didn't work out and I wasn't able to. The Tower Bridge was one of the many things I wanted to see. At least I did get to see it from the plane though.
So, I landed in London, late. Then I had to get through security. Again. I wasn't too thrilled about that. I was less thrilled by the pace at which the line was moving. When I got through security (thankfully I didn't have to take off my shoes) I grabbed my backpack, computer, and coat, and then ran through the airport like a crazy person to catch my flight. I saw on a digital board on my way three flights listed: one had departed, one was boarding, and one was waiting to board. Mine was boarding. So I kept running. My gate ended up being the one farthest from the security checkpoint in that terminal. Of course. Why would it be closer!? By the time I got there, pretty much everyone else had boarded, save the one person ahead of me and the family behind me that was dragging their two-year old son behind them. I had to get a new boarding pass, but I did make it on my plane, hot, thirsty, and out of breath. I didn't have any water or time to fill my water bottle, because I had to drink the whole thing while I was standing in line for the security checkpoint. That's ok. I made it. I slept some on my flight, but not much. I ate every time food was offered to me. I watched Get Smart and series one of Sherlock, and I read several chapters of The Return of the King. When I flew to Germany, I fasted for something like 18 hours, and didn't eat on the plane, in order to avoid jetlag. It worked. I had learned that was for going forward in time, but I hadn't heard that for going back. Plus, I honestly didn't care if I was jetlagged coming home. I didn't yet have any responsibilities, so I could take all the time I needed to readjust.
My friend Krystal picked me up from the airport, and that night I stayed up until 9PM, to try to force my body to readjust to California time faster. It seemed to work. By the time I went to bed that night, I had been awake for 25 hours. No wonder it worked. I had no problem sleeping through the night. I was tired during the day most of last week, but I think that's pretty normal with travel like that. Now I'm readjusting, and dealing as best I can with the reverse culture shock that I have encountered so far.
To be honest, it's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I don't think. I could be wrong, because I don't know what all of the signs are. I'm trying not to be too angry about American culture. I definitely see things in German culture that I prefer over American. One of the hardest parts about that is keeping it to myself. I definitely don't want to complain to everyone around me about something that isn't really changeable. Last night I went to dinner and the the movies (to see the new Star Trek movie!!!) with some friends, and after dinner I couldn't remember how tip in America. My total was $7.52, and all I could think was, "Ok, $7.52, so I pay $8." I had to check myself and I remembered that, no, tipping isn't already included in the bill in America, so I need to do the math and actually figure it out. It was a frustrating realization. Another thing that is hard is that I'm not completely sure how to relate to people. I could go all day and all night talking about the semester to the right person. But I can't do that. I can tell little stories here and there, but I have to be present here and now, with the friends I have here and now. I have to keep inside jokes to myself, because no one here will get them. There are lots of things that remind me of some funny joke that we had, but I've gotta keep it to myself. I am still figuring out how to relate to people my experience. I don't know where to start or what to tell people. The hardest part about that is with some people, I don't know how much they care to know, or if they are just asking me, "How was it?" out of social obligation to ask, not because they are genuinely interested. It was recommended by APU's Study Abroad office to have a 30 second response to that question, but I don't even know where to start with that.
The most common comment I got when I told people (before I left) that I was going to be studying abroad was, "Wow! You're gonna learn so much about yourself!" Now that I'm back, I'm still trying to reconcile with my experience and figure out what I have learned and how I have changed. That's hard. I think only one person has asked me what I learned about myself, but I still feel overwhelming pressure to quickly figure it out, not from any specific person, but I think from myself. It's like I know that I should have learned so much, so because of that I am getting frustrated that I still don't know what I learned. I discovered today that it could take a year or more to fully understand what happened to me in Germany, and I was realizing for myself (at the time of my discovery) that it may take me at least more than the summer to figure it out.
Perhaps I will share that process, perhaps I won't. Time will tell.
Grace and Peace,
Suzannah
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Farewell Heidelberg
My parents arrived in Heidelberg on Tuesday this week, and stayed at the Pension while I finished up with classes and final semester things. Friday night was our last night in Heidelberg, and the night of our final dinner with Tim and Andrea. It was pretty emotional for a few of us. Nattie had one last get-together with her friends from choir after dinner, and shortly after dinner Andrew left to stay with his parents in their hotel at the other end of Alt Stadt.
Before he left, Andrew, Phillip, Chris, Kristen, and I went to Raja Rani (the Indian food restaurant on the corner of our street) one last time to say goodbye to Dev, the man who owns it. We went there to eat almost everyday, so he got pretty used to seeing us. As soon as we walked in he told us that he had been missing us, and that we were like children to him. It made the whole thing so bittersweet, because he had no idea we were coming to say goodbye one final time. When we did tell him, he was so sad, and told us again and again how much he was going to miss us. He said that he has never had another group come that he has liked so much in the 17 years he has had his restaurant, and that as long as he is open our picture will be on his wall. He then had his cook come out and take a picture of us with him, and Andrew is going to print it and take it to him, since he is not leaving Heidelberg until Monday with his parents. He made sure we all had menus with his address on it so we can send him letters, and then he gave us all a 2 pound can of mango puree as a gift. Mango puree? Yes. Dev makes a drink called mango lassi, which we get quite frequently, and the mango puree is what he uses to make it. He told us how to make it, that way we can still enjoy mango lassi in the US. He was so sad to see us go, and we were sad to leave. He is definitely one of my favorite people that I met in Heidelberg.
After that Andrew left, and Kristen and I went upstairs to pack for a bit, and then went back downstairs to spend some more time with Phillip and Chris before they went to bed. Phillip wanted to be in bed by midnight (Chris I'm sure did too, since he had to leave Heidelberg at 5:45 the next morning), so that left us about an hour to hang out. Midnight came and went, and he decided he wanted to wait for Nattie to get back from Mannheim to make sure of last minute details, since they were on the same flight the following morning. Nattie didn't end up getting back until about 2 because of the S-Bahn that runs from Mannheim to Heidelberg. We didn't do much while waiting for her, but that's fine with me. It's more being together that was what we wanted. After Nattie got back she and Phillip figured out final things for the next morning, and then we said goodnight and goodbye to Chris. I think I went to bed at about 2:45, and then got up at 6:45 to see Phillip and Nattie off. They were supposed to walk to the location where the shuttle would pick them up, which would take about 30 minutes, but it was pouring, so they took the bus instead (thank goodness!). I expected I would have a harder time saying goodbye to them, but I was so exhausted that none of my emotions had caught up with me yet. It wasn't until about two hours later when I was sitting outside the boys' room waiting for someone to come pick up the cello that my emotions caught up and I lost it. I don't think that I'm necessarily sad that I had to say goodbye to everybody, but more sad that our experience in Heidelberg together is over. I don't know for sure if I will ever get to go back to Heidelberg, and even if I do, it won't be the same. I know also that the friendships we have formed won't be the same once we are all thrown back into the craziness of school and our own individual contexts. I'm positive we will stay in contact, but I don't think it will be quite the same.
Kristen and I left Heidelberg about the same time, and Megan was waiting for her sister to come, and then she would have a few more hours in Heidelberg with her sister. We had about two hours more to spend, so we got some breakfast and then some last minute souvenirs for people. We were able to store our luggage at the Pension, so we didn't have to haul it with us everywhere we went. We actually all went to the train station together, because Megan's sister was coming in shortly after Kristen and I left. The goodbye to Megan wasn't so bad, although I do think I teared up a bit. The goodbye to Kristen inside the train station was much harder, and I was pretty much bawling in the train station. Oh well. I don't care. We had an amazing semester together, and I definitely couldn't have asked for a better roommate this semester. I managed to sort of pull myself together before we went down to our track, but then I lost it again on the track. Again, oh well. People probably thought I was crazy, because I was with my parents and they were fine, but I probably looked like I was reacting to someone's death. Ok maybe not someone's death, but still... I was crying again.
We managed to find seats on the train, which was direct to Ulm. I thought we were changing in Mannheim, since most trains out of Heidelberg do, but we didn't. It was only about two hours to Ulm, and my dad's friend Jacobo, who we are staying with, met us on the track. After refreshing at his house a bit, he and Michele showed us some of the old part of Ulm. Most of Ulm (about 85%) was destroyed in the war, so a lot of the Alt Stadt has been rebuilt, but it is very nice. I really like Ulm. It's a pretty small city, which I am glad for. Jacobo made us a Spanish dish for dinner last night, which was DELICIOUS, and then I went to bed at 10:15. It was marvelous. I think I got about 10 hours of sleep, which I definitely needed. This afternoon we will go see the cathedral, and until then we are just relaxing around the house. The weather is finally warming back up, so hopefully by the time we head out it will be warm enough to go without a coat.
Grace and Peace,
Suzannah
Before he left, Andrew, Phillip, Chris, Kristen, and I went to Raja Rani (the Indian food restaurant on the corner of our street) one last time to say goodbye to Dev, the man who owns it. We went there to eat almost everyday, so he got pretty used to seeing us. As soon as we walked in he told us that he had been missing us, and that we were like children to him. It made the whole thing so bittersweet, because he had no idea we were coming to say goodbye one final time. When we did tell him, he was so sad, and told us again and again how much he was going to miss us. He said that he has never had another group come that he has liked so much in the 17 years he has had his restaurant, and that as long as he is open our picture will be on his wall. He then had his cook come out and take a picture of us with him, and Andrew is going to print it and take it to him, since he is not leaving Heidelberg until Monday with his parents. He made sure we all had menus with his address on it so we can send him letters, and then he gave us all a 2 pound can of mango puree as a gift. Mango puree? Yes. Dev makes a drink called mango lassi, which we get quite frequently, and the mango puree is what he uses to make it. He told us how to make it, that way we can still enjoy mango lassi in the US. He was so sad to see us go, and we were sad to leave. He is definitely one of my favorite people that I met in Heidelberg.
 |
| Andrew, me, Phillip, Dev, Kristen, and Chris |
Kristen and I left Heidelberg about the same time, and Megan was waiting for her sister to come, and then she would have a few more hours in Heidelberg with her sister. We had about two hours more to spend, so we got some breakfast and then some last minute souvenirs for people. We were able to store our luggage at the Pension, so we didn't have to haul it with us everywhere we went. We actually all went to the train station together, because Megan's sister was coming in shortly after Kristen and I left. The goodbye to Megan wasn't so bad, although I do think I teared up a bit. The goodbye to Kristen inside the train station was much harder, and I was pretty much bawling in the train station. Oh well. I don't care. We had an amazing semester together, and I definitely couldn't have asked for a better roommate this semester. I managed to sort of pull myself together before we went down to our track, but then I lost it again on the track. Again, oh well. People probably thought I was crazy, because I was with my parents and they were fine, but I probably looked like I was reacting to someone's death. Ok maybe not someone's death, but still... I was crying again.
We managed to find seats on the train, which was direct to Ulm. I thought we were changing in Mannheim, since most trains out of Heidelberg do, but we didn't. It was only about two hours to Ulm, and my dad's friend Jacobo, who we are staying with, met us on the track. After refreshing at his house a bit, he and Michele showed us some of the old part of Ulm. Most of Ulm (about 85%) was destroyed in the war, so a lot of the Alt Stadt has been rebuilt, but it is very nice. I really like Ulm. It's a pretty small city, which I am glad for. Jacobo made us a Spanish dish for dinner last night, which was DELICIOUS, and then I went to bed at 10:15. It was marvelous. I think I got about 10 hours of sleep, which I definitely needed. This afternoon we will go see the cathedral, and until then we are just relaxing around the house. The weather is finally warming back up, so hopefully by the time we head out it will be warm enough to go without a coat.
Grace and Peace,
Suzannah
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)