Home Again, Home Again

I have been home one day more than a week. After the semester ended, I had 10 days more in Europe with my parents, and then two flights to get back to California. In my last post I may have alluded to the fact that I was anticipating a rather difficult return home. I definitely fell in love with Heidelberg and Germany, as I expected I would, which didn't make leaving easy. I thought that still being in Europe for a while with my parents would help me ease my way back into American culture, but I found that wasn't the case. The fact that I was in Europe, but away from Heidelberg and away from the dear people I developed friendships with over the past three and a half months made it so much harder. My parents and I went to Salzburg the second half of our time together, and that was so weird, because I had been there a month or so earlier with Tim and all of the other students. My last night in Germany I was alone in my hotel room (my parents had flown home that day), and it felt wrong to me to leave and explore by myself, so I didn't.

The flights home were good, but not nearly uneventful. At the airport I was unable to check in to my flight using the kiosks available, so I had to check in when I checked my bag. I saw that my bag was overweight when I put it up on the scale, something that I had been worried about since I left Heidelberg, but I think the lady noticed I was a bit flustered from being unable to check in, so she was gracious and didn't charge me a fee. I requested to have aisle seats on both of my flights, which I did get, and after that I went through security quite easily and gathered myself in the time I had before boarding. It was 55º and raining in Frankfurt that morning. Boarding started at 7:55, and by that time I had already been awake for three hours. I had an hour-ish flight to London, and then an eleven hour flight direct to LAX. My layover in London was about an hour and a half, provided we land on time, and I had been warned by Chris (who had the same exact flight 10 days earlier), that I had to be time-efficient if I was to get through security and to my gate on time. I was a bit anxious about that, especially when we took off about 20 minutes late. I became more anxious when I looked at my watch when we were nearing London, and my watch said that the time was nearly 11AM. My flight was supposed to leave from London at 10:30 (or something like that)!! I was probably pretty close to a panic-attack when I remembered that London's time is an hour behind Germany's time. Whew!! It still left me very little time to catch my connection, but I hadn't yet missed it completely, thank God.

As we were flying into London, I could see the Tower Bridge through the window. I sighed. I had planned on spending my final weekend in London, but things didn't work out and I wasn't able to. The Tower Bridge was one of the many things I wanted to see. At least I did get to see it from the plane though.

So, I landed in London, late. Then I had to get through security. Again. I wasn't too thrilled about that. I was less thrilled by the pace at which the line was moving. When I got through security (thankfully I didn't have to take off my shoes) I grabbed my backpack, computer, and coat, and then ran through the airport like a crazy person to catch my flight. I saw on a digital board on my way three flights listed: one had departed, one was boarding, and one was waiting to board. Mine was boarding. So I kept running. My gate ended up being the one farthest from the security checkpoint in that terminal. Of course. Why would it be closer!? By the time I got there, pretty much everyone else had boarded, save the one person ahead of me and the family behind me that was dragging their two-year old son behind them. I had to get a new boarding pass, but I did make it on my plane, hot, thirsty, and out of breath. I didn't have any water or time to fill my water bottle, because I had to drink the whole thing while I was standing in line for the security checkpoint. That's ok. I made it. I slept some on my flight, but not much. I ate every time food was offered to me. I watched Get Smart and series one of Sherlock, and I read several chapters of The Return of the King. When I flew to Germany, I fasted for something like 18 hours, and didn't eat on the plane, in order to avoid jetlag. It worked. I had learned that was for going forward in time, but I hadn't heard that for going back. Plus, I honestly didn't care if I was jetlagged coming home. I didn't yet have any responsibilities, so I could take all the time I needed to readjust.

My friend Krystal picked me up from the airport, and that night I stayed up until 9PM, to try to force my body to readjust to California time faster. It seemed to work. By the time I went to bed that night, I had been awake for 25 hours. No wonder it worked. I had no problem sleeping through the night. I was tired during the day most of last week, but I think that's pretty normal with travel like that. Now I'm readjusting, and dealing as best I can with the reverse culture shock that I have encountered so far.

To be honest, it's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I don't think. I could be wrong, because I don't know what all of the signs are. I'm trying not to be too angry about American culture. I definitely see things in German culture that I prefer over American. One of the hardest parts about that is keeping it to myself. I definitely don't want to complain to everyone around me about something that isn't really changeable. Last night I went to dinner and the the movies (to see the new Star Trek movie!!!) with some friends, and after dinner I couldn't remember how tip in America. My total was $7.52, and all I could think was, "Ok, $7.52, so I pay $8." I had to check myself and I remembered that, no, tipping isn't already included in the bill in America, so I need to do the math and actually figure it out. It was a frustrating realization. Another thing that is hard is that I'm not completely sure how to relate to people. I could go all day and all night talking about the semester to the right person. But I can't do that. I can tell little stories here and there, but I have to be present here and now, with the friends I have here and now. I have to keep inside jokes to myself, because no one here will get them. There are lots of things that remind me of some funny joke that we had, but I've gotta keep it to myself. I am still figuring out how to relate to people my experience. I don't know where to start or what to tell people. The hardest part about that is with some people, I don't know how much they care to know, or if they are just asking me, "How was it?" out of social obligation to ask, not because they are genuinely interested. It was recommended by APU's Study Abroad office to have a 30 second response to that question, but I don't even know where to start with that.

The most common comment I got when I told people (before I left) that I was going to be studying abroad was, "Wow! You're gonna learn so much about yourself!" Now that I'm back, I'm still trying to reconcile with my experience and figure out what I have learned and how I have changed. That's hard. I think only one person has asked me what I learned about myself, but I still feel overwhelming pressure to quickly figure it out, not from any specific person, but I think from myself. It's like I know that I should have learned so much, so because of that I am getting frustrated that I still don't know what I learned. I discovered today that it could take a year or more to fully understand what happened to me in Germany, and I was realizing for myself (at the time of my discovery) that it may take me at least more than the summer to figure it out.

Perhaps I will share that process, perhaps I won't. Time will tell.

Grace and Peace,
Suzannah